Week 25: Regional - Cincinnati Chili

This is what we are making. We aren't using this can, that's for my brother in Afghanistan. We are going to do old-style. From scratch.

Still catching up. Forgive me...please.

When you talk about regional Cincinnati "cuisine," you are talking about two real options: goetta and Cincinnati-style chili. While I did make a goetta, egg muffin sandwich for breakfast, I decided to go with homemade Cincinnati-style chili. (no brand names here, although those of us from Cincinnati know that there is only one kind of Cincinnati chili.)

Cincinnati-style chili is not chili like you think. It is an obnoxious, thin, soupy sauce that has "ground beef" but nothing else in it really. It is served over a a short hot dog or spaghetti with more cheese than anyone could possibly ever need in one serving. Skyline, I mean Cincinnati chili is really an exercise in walking the line. The line? Oh that is whether or not you will have a heart attack today. Of course you may be eating it because you need an enema and don't want to shove something up your ass. I hope I don't need to explain more.

Brown some ground beef. Try to break it up as much as possible.

I pulsed the onions in the processor. Basically you want your friend who hates onions to not know they are there.

Bubble bubble boil and trouble

Spice mix

You can smell it now.

The start of a glorious five-way

What's a five-way you ask? Is it a weird Cincinnati food-sex thing? NO!

Here's the scoop, so if you are ever in Cincinnat and a semi-attractive girl asks if you want a three-way, you know what you are getting into:

The three way is the base of all Cincinnat chili. It is spaghetti (usually overcooked and starchy), covered in chili, topped with enough shredded cheddar cheese to stop up the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk.

A four way is a three way with either onions or kidney beans, your choice, under the cheese.

A five way is a three way with both onions and kidney beans under the cheese.

If you are a real Cincinnatian, than you are most likely to order a three way. If you are like me, and not from Cincinnati, you might order a four way. Once you realize that you are actually a Cincinnatian now, you will order a five way because you still believe that if you want to call it chili, then it needs beans.

Not anywhere near enough cheese, but they buy it by the pound and I buy it by the ounce.